We’re Using Bleach Today.

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!

Wow, it really has been so long. I say that each time now but this is legit.

Okie, let’s jump right into it.

Two weeks ago I had surgery. This surgery was to remove some polyps found during an ultrasound. Since I was already going to be under anesthesia to have the polyps removed, the surgeon recommend checking for endometriosis and removing it if it was found. For about ten years now, I have had the makers of a women with endometriosis but each doctor I spoke said it was normal to be in pain during that time of the month. However, the last two years have gotten worse and each month feels like a new torture chamber that is unlocked.

So, through prayer and multiple conversation with my husband, we decided the surgery was the best course of action. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the surgery and recovery since every story is different, but I knew God was with me. Two weeks later, I am so grateful that I did it. the surgeon found A LOT of endometriosis and some other things too.

Now my procedure required four small incisions around the abdomen. You really don’t realize how much of your core you use on a daily basis to complete any task, from standing, sitting up, laughing, and of course, CLEANING!

Yesterday my mom came over to help me really clean our apartment. It was such a blessing to spend a full day with her and to have the placed cleaned the way I like it to be even if she used bleach. I also got the added gift of her washing my hair. While she was washing my hair, she asked me what has the Holy Spirit been teaching me during this time.

Two things: 1. How valuable time is and 2. How loving, kind and generous my husband has been to me during this time of taking care of me.

Guys, before I had the surgery, someone told me that my husband would probably have to clean me at one point after I used the bathroom…(this would not have only been for urination!). Talk about vulnerable and being completely dependent on someone. Praise God my husband hasn’t had to clean me in that way LOL. However, my husband has had to shower me, clothe me, help me get in and out of bed, walk slowly next to me when I want to get some fresh air and many more things. I couldn’t help but think of how John’s love, kindness and generosity is a pure reflection of the Father’s heart towards me. BUT, I play a part in it. I have to be willing to be vulnerable in a different way and willing to accept his love, kindness and generosity to help/serve me his way. I have to be willing to be completely dependent on my husband. If I am unwilling to accept his help in any way, I could end up harming myself internally (my body healing itself) and externally, the incisions that are still closing.

This got me thinking about me and my relationship with Christ. Jesus is SO willing to be kind and generous to us. Generosity here doesn’t have to do with material things, but it has to do with just giving of Himself. He freely poured out His perfect love on the cross for us. It is a generous gift! But I (we) have a part! We have to be open and willing to receive and accept His perfect love, kindness and generosity. We also have to be willing to be fully defendant on Him in every single season of life.

I can’t be willing to only receive and accept my husband’s love when it doesn’t require me to be vulnerable and dependent. How awful would that be to him? The same can be said of us to the Father. How awful (hurtful) must it be for Him when we don’t embrace Him with open arms of trust, dependency and perfect love? Yet, He is so patient with us. He is so kind to us. He never leaves us even when we don’t to receive that kindness.

You might be thinking to yourself, why wouldn’t I want to receive love, kindness and generosity? Truth, because that can be costly. It can be costly to completely depend on Christ and not on your own strength or thinking. It can be costly to trust Him with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding. But the reality is, it’s more costly internally and externally to not receive and accept that love.

The areas He wants to heal and redeem in our lives are connected to His perfect love, kindness and generosity. It is also connected to our willingness and dependance on Him.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be completely dependent on Christ all the time. I don’t want to ever be in a position where I think I can do anything with Him. I want Him to hold me like a child every single day, because I know I am safe with Him.

This has been such a vulnerable experience with my husband. But it has shown me how much my husband wants to help me. It has reminded me of how much The Father wants to be with me, how He wants me to be dependent and vulnerable with Him and how I must be willing to do my part as well.

We must be willing to be dependent on Christ. It is vital. It is life giving. There is freedom in it. There is healing in it.

If you’re reading this and don’t know or believe in Jesus, that’s okay. Welcome to On Fridays, We Clean and know that the God of the universe is absolutely besotted with you. He loves you with a love that we’ll never truly understand because of our flawed understanding of love. He wants you to get to know Him and He’ll wait for you. You don’t have to be afraid of Him. Don’t believe the lies that He’s a mean God, pointing His finger at you and condemning you.  He loves you and is waiting with open arms to embrace you with unconditional love. You can give Him a chance. Give Him a chance to show you Who He really is, not what people have told you, and experience Him for yourself.

We love you, Jesus and I.